Dearest Human, You know I detest the crate, and dislike car rides even more.  Yet you stuffed me into one and took me for a spin. So I peed in the crate.  You're welcome. We went someplace new.  Well, maybe I had been there before, but it had been a while since our last "trip", so it was still new to me.  The ladies were friendly, except the first one who stuck something up my backside.  W T F?  Don't do that again. Thanks. Then you shoved me BACK into the crate (gee, thanks), and back into the car again.  Did you not get the message the first time? This time, I pooped in it.  I hope you enjoyed the smell all the way home. But you didn't let me out of the crate as soon as we got home, why? Oh no. Please, don't. You thought it was a great idea to give me a BATH?! Well, lady, I made sure that you were just as nearly soaked as I was by the end.  You're welcome. I thought our "fun" was over, but you had one last thing in store for me. Shooting some icky paste and liquid down my throat.  I don't think it is as palatable as you say the bottle claims. Yuck. What have I ever done to you except warm your lap? I am going to sit in your office with my back to you while I dry off.  I don't think I want to speak to you for a while.  Later, I may cough up a hairball in an inconspicuous place in hopes you step in it.  Hmph! Signed, Fawkes